I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
