I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
