the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
