i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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