ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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