I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
