We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
