I hope mine doesn't look like that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
