Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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