um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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