the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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