You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize