she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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