Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
