honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
