i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
