Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
