we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
