I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
