And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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