You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
