it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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