The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize