I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
