my mouth tastes like poor choices
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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