he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
