The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
