I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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