I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
