sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
