Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
