Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
