He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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