She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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