i barfeds in our rink
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
