it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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