like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
