me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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