i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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