You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
