Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize