totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize