I'm so fucking centered right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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