can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
