So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
