How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
