If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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