dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
