Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Found your dick twin last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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