it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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