I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
