the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
