the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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