If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
