I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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