Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
