Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
