its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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