I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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