Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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