I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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