i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize