you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
