Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
