Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
