remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
