Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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