i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
