Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
