he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
