So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
