I want to have your abortion
her vagine was all disorganized.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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