We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
