i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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