He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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