She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
