Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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