Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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