i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
