A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
