Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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