Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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