This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
