this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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