i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
