You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
