Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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