My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
