when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
