I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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