i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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