Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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