Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
